I really don’t understand the excitement over weddings and wedding gowns. I just hate the idea of getting married. Maybe it’s my age… I am in my early twenties still contemplating on the relationships I have had so far. When I say relationships, I mean friendships not romantic relations. Thankfully have got to hear some of the fatal romantic endeavours of my friends though. In my case all of mine were tragic and strangely fatal for me unfortunately not much tragic for the others. They never cared actually never bothered to care for they always saw me as a loser daggling around them like a pet, maybe? When they were with me, they made me feel I was trash, worthless, lacked leadership qualities, had no first kisses, no sex, no affairs, not even great aura or maybe not even 1,000k followers on Instagram, 20000…k friends on Facebook, and no YouTube channel to flaunt my ‘abs’. I acknowledge I was never as pretty as them, nor as smart and extroverted as them but always accepted them for who they were (like a fool). I cannot elucidate the extent to which I regret ever having been friends with those pretty, smart, so called cool idiots.
And I always felt being the sweet one, I might get better friends in future but alas! Got none at present. But to my surprise the hot headed, fake pretty idiots gained new friends and were flaunting their new affairs on social media. And I stand here at this crossroad of my life, waiting for a right friend but found none and well I shouldn’t say I haven’t tried to nor that I haven’t met new people …actually I did meet and did try to be cool, look better, dress better, talk more, joke more, make instances of my past that were scary …sound funny but nothing worked… all those I met were far worse versions of the ones I had met in the past. I always wondered why me...? why do I get to meet such sorts of people …either they would stifle me with inferiority or might end up leaving me for better friends, far cool, funnier and smarter than me.
So now you tell me how can I ever be … ever be confident that my future might change…. that I would meet the right person one day…. Or that my pet dog might transform into a handsome prince one day…lol…I know I sound ridiculous but I just lose all hope of meeting the right people. These experiences in fact impede my thoughts of a happy married life… the wedding videos, the wedding gowns and that horrible catchphrase “I am so lucky to get married to my best friend” …I just hate it…the whole idea of marriage is portrayed as a fairytale … with the prince charming and the beautiful princess like bride …all these mask the brutal realities that marriage holds for them in the near future…
I hate everything that hides realities… it just gives me fake beliefs and promises of a bright future…. I am so sorry if I have hurt anyone’s feelings… but I do know that some of you share my thoughts…as very few in their early twenties find the ‘1’ and have a gang of bright friends, who never stab you nor speak bad behind your back, always support you and your dreams and who never ever secretly envy you and your success and see you secretly as an opponent. A few of a thousand of us …the unlucky ones…or the actual lucky ones …live a life regretting having met few of the people in the past… we feel burdened by the thoughts of putting our lives at stake for one person or for many…just to be friends or partners forever…
So here I conclude my late night musings…by stating and
acknowledging how much I hate the wedding bells and balls.
Therefore…. having had a few failed friendships and
relations (maybe)…. I strongly and humbly request you to be very careful of the
ones you let into your lives from now on….
Just take care of yourselves and your mental health….
Remember you should be your sole priority….
Think twice, or maybe thrice before giving yourself up for someone else....
Photos from @unsplash
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